My Own Story of Faith
“I hate my job!”
That was my first thought most mornings, less than a year into my new job. I had thought this might be my “dream job:” head of HR for a new business line in a prestigious company, good money, some international travel, and nice co-workers, for the most part.
“I hate my job!”
Immediately after saying this, I would apologize to God, ask for forgiveness and for help to change my attitude. After all, I thought God had led me to this job, and here I was being ungrateful for it. What I didn’t realize was that God was sending me a clear message, one that I ignored until I couldn’t.
I went to work every day determined to make a go of it. I returned home stressed out: Too many meetings, decisions second-guessed, reports taking precedence over people.
A year into the job, the company let me go (a month after I had received an excellent performance review). I was so distraught—I hadn’t seen it coming. With outplacement as part of my severance package,I began interviewing, mostly with companies that were too much like the one I had just left.
On the surface, I looked okay, but of course I wasn’t. My confidence was at an all time low, I was convinced I would never work again. I had trouble sleeping. My mind and body were on ‘high alert.’ And my soul, well, it was scrambled.
My faith told me that God was always available and to ask for guidance, for help, for peace. Unfortunately, I was so into my own anxiety that I wasn’t able to accept what I asked for.
My church had Thursday Lenten services, during which one minister would sit in the side chapel to pray with individuals. I remember kneeling at the altar railing, near tears, saying, “I want rest, just rest.” While that rest did not come right away, but it did begin to seep into my soul.
I continued praying. I sought out spiritual advisors. I talked with members of my faith family. Eventually I emerged from this seeking process at peace, with rest in my soul, knowing what was most important for my life. I accepted a job at the company where I would spend 14 years. It provided what I needed, and allowed me eventually to receive what I truly wanted.
What lessons did I learn about my relationship with God?
God doesn’t want me to disregard my feelings, like hating my job. Listening to those feelings, being open to what they are really telling me, points my heart toward what God is in fact trying to tell me. They are there to facilitate my connection with God.
When I feel a “strong negative “ in situations, God is letting me know, and will give me the support to leave. When I look back it’s clear that the job required long hours and more travel than I anticipated or preferred. I lost touch with friends. I couldn’t participate in church events that were important to me. How many more negative messages did I need!
God is always available.
Would you like your professional life to reflect more of your Christian values/faith?
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